Underwear Lobbyists Advocate for Endangered Species Classification

Posted by Ken Hiebert on Sunday, April 28, 2019 Under: News...

The Canadian Underwear Preservation Society (CUPS) has stepped up its efforts to have underwear added to the endangered species list.

John Long, a spokesperson for the CUPS chapter in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan says, "The science is settled on this.  We've been monitoring the size of gotch since the mid 1900's and we've noticed that underwear has been steadily decreasing in size since the start of the industrial revolution.  It's obvious to us that the main reason we're in this mess is because of global warming."

As the earth's temperature continues to increase due to climate change, it's understandable that people are naturally going to want to wear less clothes, but this new reality is something we're going to have to find a way to deal with. It seems inevitable that the growth of many species will continue to be stunted and that many of these may not survive. The Endangered Species Act has proven effective in saving hundreds of species since its creation in the 1970's and CUPS has high hopes that undergarments will soon be added to the list.  With a projected increase of 2°C in the next 20 years, it seems extremely likely that undergarments will simply not survive if something isn't done now. 

Bill Gitchby, professor of natural sciences at McGill University noted, “When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.  What would be ideal would be to see the size of underwear return to pre-industrial capacities.  While we recognize this may not necessarily be convenient, we also need to realize that some things go beyond our first world conveniences and seeing my children and grandchildren grow up without gitch is not a thought any of us want to entertain.”  Gitchby goes on, "It's bad enough having to look at kids' underwear when I'm walking down the street.  Imagine what it would be like if there was no underwear at all."

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I'm a guitar instructor in a small town. I love teaching and I love playing music. I also love doing things that have nothing to do with music... or teaching... or teaching music.